Pedro Carolino of Portugal holds the record for unintentional humour: in 1883 he wrote and English-Portugese phrasebook, The new guide of the conversation in Portuguese and English. It is widely held that Pedro spoke no english and the book is a feast of hilarity with incomprehensible sentences such as:
- He has toast his all good
- Exculpate me by your brother’s
- One eyed was laid against a man which had good eyes that he saw better than him. The party was accepted. I had gain, over said the one eyed; why I see you two eyes and you not look me who one
- Nothing some money, nothing swiss
- The stone as roll not heap up not foam
- To craunch a marmoset
The theory is that he spoke no english, and translated with a french-english dictionary. The book is published under the name English as she is spoke, and Wikipedia gives this explanatory list of some phrases, the translations and the actual intended meaning:
Sentence in Portuguese | Given translation | Idiomatic translation |
---|---|---|
As paredes têm ouvidos. | The walls have hearsay. | Walls have ears. |
Anda de gatinhas. | He go to four feet. | He’s crawling. |
A estrada é segura? | Is sure the road? | Is the road safe? |
Sabe montar a cavalo. | He know ride horse. | He can ride a horse. |
Quem cala consente. | That not says a word, consent. | Silence is consent. |
Que faz ele? | What do him? | What does he do? / What is he doing? |
Tenho vontade de vomitar. | I have mind to vomit. | I feel sick. |
Este lago parece-me bem piscoso. Vamos pescar para nos divertirmos. | That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing. | This lake looks full of fish. Let’s have some fun fishing. |
O criado arou a terra real. | The created plough the land real. | The servant ploughed the royal land. |
Bem sei o que devo fazer ou me compete. | I know well who I have to make. | I know very well what I have to do and what my responsibilities are. |
Mark Twain said of the book:
Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect.
And now over to the hovercraft crawling with eels: Monty Python and the Dirty Hungarian phrasebook sketch is pretty close:
Related hilarity: